Monday, September 27, 2004
I'm back....kind of. It's been about 9 months since my last blog. I don't really have anything good to say...but people having been expressing their concerns regarding my lack of blogging. So for now this should sufice until I actually have something to say. Let the rambling begin....
A lot has happened in the last 9 months. I celebrated my one year anniversary in January...it was very nice. I celebrated my birthday in February...found out I was pregnant in April....went to Hawaii with my son in July...and had to go on full bed rest (due to the pregnancy) the begining of September. There now that we are all caught up....yeah...still not much to say...
Perhaps tomorrow while I'm laying on the couch going stir crazy I'll have a profound thought to share, but until then...that's all folks.
A lot has happened in the last 9 months. I celebrated my one year anniversary in January...it was very nice. I celebrated my birthday in February...found out I was pregnant in April....went to Hawaii with my son in July...and had to go on full bed rest (due to the pregnancy) the begining of September. There now that we are all caught up....yeah...still not much to say...
Perhaps tomorrow while I'm laying on the couch going stir crazy I'll have a profound thought to share, but until then...that's all folks.
Saturday, December 27, 2003
No one has gum...?
I am 'one of those people' that think most things happen for a reason. Not all things....I still don't find the reason for papercuts...but most. Some one at work always has gum. Let me preface this by saying I work downtown in the ghetto.
Today it was a very cold day, which has nothing to do with why I wanted gum, but it was stinkin cold. Anyway, like I said, someone at my work always has gum...except for today. I really needed some gum because I had some chicken stuck in my tooth from my chicken enchilada soup that I had for lunch...where was I going with this...uh...oh yeah so anyway no one had any gum....VERY unusual. I got a quarter and decided to get a rock hard gumball from one of the vending machines becuase something was better than nothing, and I had to put an end to the torture of feeling something in my teeth and not being able to get it out.
As I approached I saw a duffle bag by the cement bench outside the vending area doors. Two things quickly jumped to mind...it's City Hall (think Mayor, Judges, Cops, Lawyers, Politicians) and some nut case terrorist left a bomb at our door....or....the bag contained the entire belongings of it's owner, a vagrant.
Knowing that the majority of vags (bumbs) are either mentally unstable or alcoholics or both, I figured either reality wasn't good but I'd much rather take my chances with a bumb than a bomb.
When I opened the doors to the vending area he was talking to himself....either because he was crazy or because no one else would talk to him. I figure maybe a little of both. Right then I thought "I shouldn't be wearing this scarf, he could kill me within seconds and no one would find me until after he is long gone". After running through my mind what I would do if he attacked I got my gum and made eye contact...to let him know I knew he was there (mostly as a defensive tactic). He seemed to be caught off guard that I made eye contact. Most people just ignore bumbs. We all have, even me before I knew how to deal with them. I went outside, through the other lobby doors, and back inside our work area.
In our society it is more likely that we will give someone something because of an occasion rather than out of necessity. I don't get it. At work we have been getting all sorts of goodies from various clients/customers due to the 'Holiday Season' the 'time for giving'. Today was no exception even though it is two days after Christmas, the mandatory giving time of the year. A client brought in a nice meat tray and a huge loaf of bread to go with it. One of the girls is leaving soon and brought in McDonald's for everyone as part of her farewell (an occasion). Needless to say after eating McDonald's the meat and bread was virtually left untouched, not to mention all the left overs from the holiday parties. Yes, there is a point, hold on and stay with me.
So as I was going back to work chewing my gum I passed the meat and bread that was brought to us. I went back to the break room and found a plate, piled it with meat and bread and went back into the Arctic weather to the vending area. Again I thought about the dangers my scarf could present if used against me by a crazy man, but then I thought if that's the way I'm suppose to meet the Lord then so be it. I opened the door and he was still mumbling and then noticed I was coming straight for him. Then he saw the food and looked so confused. I wasn't sure if he was going to get mad and throw it at me or what.... I slid the plate on the counter towards him and a piece of bread fell off onto the counter. I said "sorry" he said "thank you". I left.
Before our shift ended a friend announced to me "we have gum!" (she was looking for some too). Another girl had gum..."I thought nobody had a gum" She replied "I always have gum".
First there was no gum, then gum. Perhaps there was no gum because I was meant to go to the rock hard gumball vending machine and meet Mr. Crazyman and give him food. Maybe because he needed the food or maybe because he needed to know that someone did see him and someone did care. Perhaps there was gum to make me ponder why we are so used to giving out of occasion rather than necessity. Who knew gum could be so deep.
I am 'one of those people' that think most things happen for a reason. Not all things....I still don't find the reason for papercuts...but most. Some one at work always has gum. Let me preface this by saying I work downtown in the ghetto.
Today it was a very cold day, which has nothing to do with why I wanted gum, but it was stinkin cold. Anyway, like I said, someone at my work always has gum...except for today. I really needed some gum because I had some chicken stuck in my tooth from my chicken enchilada soup that I had for lunch...where was I going with this...uh...oh yeah so anyway no one had any gum....VERY unusual. I got a quarter and decided to get a rock hard gumball from one of the vending machines becuase something was better than nothing, and I had to put an end to the torture of feeling something in my teeth and not being able to get it out.
As I approached I saw a duffle bag by the cement bench outside the vending area doors. Two things quickly jumped to mind...it's City Hall (think Mayor, Judges, Cops, Lawyers, Politicians) and some nut case terrorist left a bomb at our door....or....the bag contained the entire belongings of it's owner, a vagrant.
Knowing that the majority of vags (bumbs) are either mentally unstable or alcoholics or both, I figured either reality wasn't good but I'd much rather take my chances with a bumb than a bomb.
When I opened the doors to the vending area he was talking to himself....either because he was crazy or because no one else would talk to him. I figure maybe a little of both. Right then I thought "I shouldn't be wearing this scarf, he could kill me within seconds and no one would find me until after he is long gone". After running through my mind what I would do if he attacked I got my gum and made eye contact...to let him know I knew he was there (mostly as a defensive tactic). He seemed to be caught off guard that I made eye contact. Most people just ignore bumbs. We all have, even me before I knew how to deal with them. I went outside, through the other lobby doors, and back inside our work area.
In our society it is more likely that we will give someone something because of an occasion rather than out of necessity. I don't get it. At work we have been getting all sorts of goodies from various clients/customers due to the 'Holiday Season' the 'time for giving'. Today was no exception even though it is two days after Christmas, the mandatory giving time of the year. A client brought in a nice meat tray and a huge loaf of bread to go with it. One of the girls is leaving soon and brought in McDonald's for everyone as part of her farewell (an occasion). Needless to say after eating McDonald's the meat and bread was virtually left untouched, not to mention all the left overs from the holiday parties. Yes, there is a point, hold on and stay with me.
So as I was going back to work chewing my gum I passed the meat and bread that was brought to us. I went back to the break room and found a plate, piled it with meat and bread and went back into the Arctic weather to the vending area. Again I thought about the dangers my scarf could present if used against me by a crazy man, but then I thought if that's the way I'm suppose to meet the Lord then so be it. I opened the door and he was still mumbling and then noticed I was coming straight for him. Then he saw the food and looked so confused. I wasn't sure if he was going to get mad and throw it at me or what.... I slid the plate on the counter towards him and a piece of bread fell off onto the counter. I said "sorry" he said "thank you". I left.
Before our shift ended a friend announced to me "we have gum!" (she was looking for some too). Another girl had gum..."I thought nobody had a gum" She replied "I always have gum".
First there was no gum, then gum. Perhaps there was no gum because I was meant to go to the rock hard gumball vending machine and meet Mr. Crazyman and give him food. Maybe because he needed the food or maybe because he needed to know that someone did see him and someone did care. Perhaps there was gum to make me ponder why we are so used to giving out of occasion rather than necessity. Who knew gum could be so deep.
Monday, August 18, 2003
Tomorrow, I'm jumping off the couch.
Sunday, August 17, 2003
The life cycle of a human being is odd. I mean think about it. We're just gonna end up where we started....toothless, drooling and in diapers. I look at my son and I look at myself and I think the cycles should be reversed. He's five....although that is debatable. He hates taking naps...I on the other hand think it should be mandatory to have a good power nap session implemented in all job professions.
Which brings me to my next point. The little people don't need naps, they have more energy than a nuclear power plant. Why do they need so much energy? They don't have to take the kids to school, work, clean, cook, shop, and everything else adults need to do. Sometimes I think it's a conspiracy and they have these little machines that suck the energy out of their parents and then it transfers the energy into them, because I swear when my son has an abudance of energy I feel like I am running on fumes. Another trait children have that they tend to lose as adulthood approaches is honesty. Kids will tell you exactly what's on their mind and they don't care. If I want to know if I look fat in something I'm not asking my husband...I'm asking my 5 year old. If adults were as honest as children, think of all the relationships that could have been saved. People are so afraid of offending and hurting someone's feelings that we have forgotten how to be honest...even with ourselves. And kids are fearless....they just are. We (the parents and energy deficient adults in this world) teach our children to be afraid. Yes every child has their own personality but for the most part they are fearless. Whose child hasn't tried jumping off the couch? They aren't afraid...until we tell them something awful is going to happen if they do jump off the couch. And it isn't just physical fear that they lack...it's emotional fear also. They aren't afraid to cry when they are so tired that don't know what to do with themselves....and trust me I've been so tired I've wanted to cry (it may have made me feel better, but I'm an adult and adults don't act that way, children do). They aren't afraid to show emotion and that is so cool. My son hugs his friend Clay everytime he sees him. I don't do that to my friends, why? Fear. Patience is another thing we tend to lose as adults. Some of us 'still got it', some of us don't. Have you ever noticed how a toddler will work on the most meticulous thing (maybe stringing some beads) for what seems like forever and even if the beads fall off the other end they just start all over like 'no problem'. Adults on the other hand flip out if the person driving in front of them is 5 miles under the speed limit. I've learned that instead of trying to always educate my son on life I should take some lessons from him. He's everything I ever want to be: full of life, honest, fearless and patient.
Which brings me to my next point. The little people don't need naps, they have more energy than a nuclear power plant. Why do they need so much energy? They don't have to take the kids to school, work, clean, cook, shop, and everything else adults need to do. Sometimes I think it's a conspiracy and they have these little machines that suck the energy out of their parents and then it transfers the energy into them, because I swear when my son has an abudance of energy I feel like I am running on fumes. Another trait children have that they tend to lose as adulthood approaches is honesty. Kids will tell you exactly what's on their mind and they don't care. If I want to know if I look fat in something I'm not asking my husband...I'm asking my 5 year old. If adults were as honest as children, think of all the relationships that could have been saved. People are so afraid of offending and hurting someone's feelings that we have forgotten how to be honest...even with ourselves. And kids are fearless....they just are. We (the parents and energy deficient adults in this world) teach our children to be afraid. Yes every child has their own personality but for the most part they are fearless. Whose child hasn't tried jumping off the couch? They aren't afraid...until we tell them something awful is going to happen if they do jump off the couch. And it isn't just physical fear that they lack...it's emotional fear also. They aren't afraid to cry when they are so tired that don't know what to do with themselves....and trust me I've been so tired I've wanted to cry (it may have made me feel better, but I'm an adult and adults don't act that way, children do). They aren't afraid to show emotion and that is so cool. My son hugs his friend Clay everytime he sees him. I don't do that to my friends, why? Fear. Patience is another thing we tend to lose as adults. Some of us 'still got it', some of us don't. Have you ever noticed how a toddler will work on the most meticulous thing (maybe stringing some beads) for what seems like forever and even if the beads fall off the other end they just start all over like 'no problem'. Adults on the other hand flip out if the person driving in front of them is 5 miles under the speed limit. I've learned that instead of trying to always educate my son on life I should take some lessons from him. He's everything I ever want to be: full of life, honest, fearless and patient.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
I'm still not asleep. Sometimes I just sit and wonder.......why...why is there so much evil and hatred in this world. I always knew that people sucked but in my profession you get a birds eye view of just how badly this world actually sucks. I usually read the paper everyday....lately it's just been about bombings, US soldiers dying (everyday), Korea and their stupid nuclear weapons. I've stopped reading the actually articles because it's the same thing just a different day. Why is it that they only print the bad stuff? Why is it that we find the bad stuff more appealing that the good stuff.
I like to think that I live in a good neighborhood......I like to think that. I have the power to know more than most.......not always a good thing. There have been car jackings, kidnappings, attempt sexual assaults and suicidal people all within a one mile radius of my house. I think I liked it better "thinking" I lived in a good neighborhood. What is a good neighborhood? One where those things don't happen or one where you just don't hear about it cuz it aint in the ghetto? Why even try to stop those things and those people? Sometimes it seems pointless. You catch the bad guy and he's out in a few months just so you can get em again. Why? The eternal question: Can one person really make a difference? Jesus did so I guess the answer is yes. But I am not even a tenth of the person he was........so why.....why try....why care? I'll give you at least six good reasons: Ethan, Carla, Clay, Jake, Emma and Eli.
I like to think that I live in a good neighborhood......I like to think that. I have the power to know more than most.......not always a good thing. There have been car jackings, kidnappings, attempt sexual assaults and suicidal people all within a one mile radius of my house. I think I liked it better "thinking" I lived in a good neighborhood. What is a good neighborhood? One where those things don't happen or one where you just don't hear about it cuz it aint in the ghetto? Why even try to stop those things and those people? Sometimes it seems pointless. You catch the bad guy and he's out in a few months just so you can get em again. Why? The eternal question: Can one person really make a difference? Jesus did so I guess the answer is yes. But I am not even a tenth of the person he was........so why.....why try....why care? I'll give you at least six good reasons: Ethan, Carla, Clay, Jake, Emma and Eli.
Three more weeks and two days. Today sucked. Most people have a bad day when their car breaks down. I have a bad day when the suspect I just searched turns out to have had a gun on them and had the problem been real I could've been on the front page of the RJ. Maybe I'm not cut out for this. I'm begining to have my doubts. AND I bruised my tail bone during our "will to survive" defensive tactics test. Basically you get your butt kicked for two minutes. My guy outweighed me by 75 pounds and was a foot taller...but I survived.
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
I have inspection tomorrow. Our last one...well our last real one anyway. I need to study so I don't get ripped on too bad but I thought I would unload first. My husband cleaned the house this past weekend, it was nice. I actually got to relax for a whole day and didn't worry about anything because I knew it was getting taken care of. It was kinda weird, I felt guilty for relaxing. Probably because I never do. Writing this is the most relaxing thing I've done all day.
At work we had 10 hours of class on Weapons of Mass Destruction. Talk about a long day. Then I picked up my son, did Hooked on Phonics with him (hopefully it will work for him), made us dinner, gave him a bath, paid the bills and now I'm "relaxing" before I go over my definitions, 400 codes, shine my boots, clean my gun and get my unifrom ready for tomorrow. There aren't enough hours in the day. Sometimes I wish I just stayed at home, but I know that wouldn't last long. I love my job....I'm just tired of being tired. I don't think my husband realizes how tiring and stressful it is. Actually I know he doesn't know because unless someone's gone through it they have no idea. Four more weeks.
At work we had 10 hours of class on Weapons of Mass Destruction. Talk about a long day. Then I picked up my son, did Hooked on Phonics with him (hopefully it will work for him), made us dinner, gave him a bath, paid the bills and now I'm "relaxing" before I go over my definitions, 400 codes, shine my boots, clean my gun and get my unifrom ready for tomorrow. There aren't enough hours in the day. Sometimes I wish I just stayed at home, but I know that wouldn't last long. I love my job....I'm just tired of being tired. I don't think my husband realizes how tiring and stressful it is. Actually I know he doesn't know because unless someone's gone through it they have no idea. Four more weeks.
Monday, July 28, 2003
I'm tired. I have a test tomorrow. I didn't study enough. We'll see how it goes.
